It was so sad to hear of the passing of Robin Williams who passed away of a suspected suicide yesterday. It is a real shock to everyone who knew him and to the world who loved him.
I guess when you are such a large character in person, on tv and in the movies; you give so much of yourself to others that when it comes to being on your own, you didn’t really keep anything back for yourself.
If you spend your life giving out laughter and joy to others, you have to find a balance somewhere and that manifests in feelings of loneliness, feeling isolated and as if there is no joy or laughter left in you.
Reminds me of me
I used to be such a joyful and bouncy person, I gave everything I had to other people and never kept emotions, feelings or joy for myself. Eventually I realized that whenever I was on my own and not surrounded by people. that I felt lost and alone.
I came to the realization, that I needed to keep somethings back for myself, to keep me company when I was on my own. I am still struggling with that and sometimes feel really sad for no apparent reason. I said in a post ages ago about depression meds, and how they don’t make you better, they only numb the feelings so you don’t realize or feel anything anymore.
The truth is that sometimes, I would like to not feel anything, to be numb. And, I guess Robin Williams felt the same way.
If anyone has ever had inner demons then you know how persuasive they can be. They scream in your mind or whisper in your ear when you are feeling at your worst, or if you have had a bad time. Where do these Demon’s come from?
I think deep down in our inner recesses of our minds, that our darker self, the ID, want’s to tear down the good things you have. Your Demon’s know exactly what to say to turn your life worse, because they are you. They know everything about you, your fears and your desires, your needs and wants.
They skew your dreams and turn them into nightmares, they make everything that is good, not good, and everything that is bad worse.